approval.

You know what annoys me?

The fact that I spent
                                    weeks
                                    months
                                    years

trying to gain the approval
of your family,
smiling at jokes that weren't funny
obeying their rules
complying with their customs
filling in the 'best friend' slot
as adequately as I could
even though it hurt me so much
i had to bury my love for you
reserve it for those few moments
when we were truly alone
whisper sweet nothings into your ear
not just at night -
all fucking day
'shush, they'll hear you'

and now,
he just waltzes in, of course
striding into your life
into that place in your heart
that once belonged to me
and they bow to him
because he is right,
because he fits

not because he is a good person
(despite the fact he is)
but because he is a man.

i was your dirty little secret
and he's the badge you wear
with happiness and pride
the man on your arm
they love him to pieces

i don't begrudge him that
he's wonderful, he'll make you happy
loved, so he should be

but it feels like
a drop-kick in the chest
knowing that they love him
and see in all that splendour
how good he is for you
when, despite all my best efforts
they never got to see how good I was
or love me that much
in that way
for making you my world
i was never accepted
and after so little time
he's a keeper without trial.