I'm dragging nails against
Dry, broken skin just to avoid
Screaming and screaming and
Wishing I could somehow just
Let
This
Out
But that would be too easy.
Suppress it,
Push it down, down
Drown them out
Find my voice again
My voice
Mine
I don't know where it is
What it sounds like
Just constant shouting
All I hear is
You're a disgrace,
They all know it
They all see it
Louder, louder
Mounting rage
Shaking shaking
NO
Push it down
Smile, for fucks sake
Smile and breathe
Up and down
Up and down
Every day
Rising, falling
Rib cage expanding
Air out, emotions in
Deep and buried
Push them down
Right down
Where I can't see them
Can no longer hear them
Just for a bit
For a second
Let me rest
Let me breathe
Red, hot rage, when I open my eyes
When they fall, closed again
Exhausted in the early hours
Forcing its way up my throat
Like sticky, swelling bile
Where else can it go
I want to let it out but
I can't bear the pain
Of being torn to pieces again.
