ice/mare.

I'm walking on ice
Sheet ice,
Thin as card
Every step, and a crack
Echoes across the surface
The inky black below,
Nothingness,
I can see breathing
Wisps of me
In front of my face
Limited, they disappear
As if they never existed
Naked, shaking
The cold bites at my skin
I'd call out
You're by the shore, somewhere
Safe on solid ground
There's comfort in that
But you're moving too far away
And I'm panicking
And my steps are heavier
Every breath, quicker
And I'm scared
More so, than the
Nothingness
That you won't reach
And help me
Why should you,
I'm the one who's
Thrown myself across
To this place
Sharp, the ice edges closer
It's cutting me
Blood spreads, like
Thick butter
Shatters
And I'm drowning
And I can't see you
And

holding on.

I feel as though
on a knife edge

that scathing blade
lying, passive

waiting for
that one raging
silent night

when thoughts
boil over into despair
and the phone is too

far to

reach



I'm holding my breath
and my lungs
are slowly aching
with building pressure
can't be sated

until the pain has
carved its way through my skin

I need to release these words
but
refresh the page
refresh the page
waiting lists aren't
for the impatient

I can't hold on much longer
I'm drowning in guilt

stop with the pity party,
she says
but is it still a party
if its all in my head?

your eyes.

Writing words, legibile sentences
About a person's eyes
Can be hard
They can be closed, shut off
Dark and dull
Colourless, abandoned
There's no soul to seek there

But your eyes
One gaze, and too many words
I'm lost in them
That warm amber glow that absorbs
My entire attention
Your eyes are the beautiful, 
Unflinching cores onto which I hold
When everything else around us
Tilts a little
Windows into your soul -
Deep, endless oceans 
That I fall into, willingly, 
Rejecting gravity
As I fall more in love with you every day

family hands.

Strength.

The tones of her voice

Thick as chords

Intertwining, into the rope

That pulls us all together

Upright, loud and clear

Reasonable

Like a butter knife

She moulds the tension 

Into laughter, memories

Sustained by sincere, gentle

Family hands

Disease.

Limbs thwarted by 

The selfish poison

Organ after organ

Swiping them aside

Spine carved over

Now she can only look down

Thick blood, congealed

Giving up, sticking to her veins

Breath recoiling, preferring 

The air clean outside her lungs

The flame is failing

Composure, flailing 

What else is left

Ending.

Was there no other decayed soul

To choose from

That you had to pick the purest

From your hat of gold

Not laughing now

Memories stained

By withered hands

It won't stop raining 

Fading plans

You've done it now

The world can't keep turning

Love is burning

The weak won't rise again.

second day back and you're already crying
what a stupid cunt you are
can't deal with anything
insecure and worthless
you don't deserve to be here
you don't even want to be here
you're a piece of shit
no wonder she doesn't want to talk to you
no wonder they've all fucking gone
why so surprised
when you get kicked around
that's all you are
the fattest person in there
careful, you'll break the mirror
a shitty excuse for a person
you're not good enough for her,
good enough for anyone
he made you to be alone
you were born to be alone
everyone else knows it
so just leave
go away
so you can't hurt people anymore