promise.

never make a promise

that's so hard to keep

you have to grit your teeth

clench your fists

and cry and cry

to not give in

your knees are buckling

your eyes, searching

for that familiar edge

that soaring high

but you can't keep thinking

it'll only make it worse

you'll be cutting her too

and that's something I will never do.

bedsheets.

I lie in your arms, one last time

Clinging to you

To every last second

That passes, too fast

Those threadbare, ridiculous

Resented tears fall

As you whisper love songs

Into my ear, telling me

I'm yours forever

These last few hours imprinted

Into my solitary bedsheets

Time slips away, 

My grasp, only tighter

Limbs entwined

Cradling me, safe and warm

Preparing to carry

A piece of your precious heart

With me, as you take mine

Slowly, back home

I'll see you soon, my love

Our passions last spoken

Through silent glass

And you stutter away, 

Into the night,

And you are gone 

Two lonely lovers

Cast out into an unknown,

Starless sky,

Our futures, waiting

Our souls, waiting

Til our lips meet, smiling

And I'm back in your arms 

Loving you again.

change.

there isn't a word
good enough
to describe my

d  i  s  a  p  p  e  a  r  i  n  g

d  i    s      o     n
                   i       t    d
          j                 e

disma     ntled

unhi
     n
     g
     e
     d

b l
    e
      e
        d
          i
           n
             g

brok  n
       e


soul

pleading to be pushed


                                 off



onto the floor, shattering, but at least
freezing in time, never changing

instead, propelling only   f  o    r      w      a          r              d               s

into places i can't see

let me know when the world stops turning
I'll be the first one
to sit down and          breathe.

equal footing.

girlish fantasies were never my thing
castles, dresses,
tiaras and curls
weddings, most of all
never chanced my youthful mind
a-whirl with dreams of independence,
and the heights a life
of solitude could obtain.

yet, the bill passed
motion carried
despite the jargon, wedded bliss
is that much clearer
for me, for us.

it would be a relatively small affair
but not amass with relatives
intimate, personal
with the friends who cared for us
supported us
they could wear what they liked
be themselves, as we could finally be
no restraints, no social exclusion or code
freedom, and respect, as we now deserved
a wedding of colour, personality, difference
celebrating a common cause
of equality

no gay rights marching band, though
a group of friends, I imagine,
musically talented, or not so much
as long as they were laughing
I wouldn't care, I wouldn't be listening much
eyes, ears, hands, feet, all irrevocably focused
on my new centre of being, the point
at which gravity pulled towards
to keep me rooted on earth
her body adorned in lace and white
mine, who knows
a suit, maybe
but I think I might quite like a dress
after all

two veiled brides
standing tall
atop an undercover chocolate cake
none of that fruity stuff
food and wine to keep us going through the night
an assortment of bridesmaids
gleaming and giggling
and best men, smart and dashing
why not have both?
nothing can stop us now

and a compromise, my love
not in a church, but on a beach
or in a valley, or a forest
littered with falling leaves
because God will always be more present
in the waves, and the hills, and in the branches
of tall trees, ascending skywards
than in any bricks and mortar built
He'll smile, you see
and be with us, and
you'll smile, and I'll smile
matching rings glinting in the sunlight
hand in hand,
and we'll start something wonderful
beginning where we left off
from the precious day before
our lives together
on equal footing with the rest of the world

and that will make all the difference.

old news.

Before it was constant

Now it creeps up on me

Attacks when no-one's looking

No-one will believe me anymore

Even the tears have stopped caring

It's old news, dead and gone

But it's back this morning

Deep and wide and aching

Aching, so much

That throb of pain that

Condemns my thoughts 

To a few hours of straining, draining

Lying in cage of fear and guilt

So familiar, this heat in my heart, burning

As the cold seeps into my bones

It'll never leave, see

It knows me too well

It's burrowed away in my soul, for good

Keeping me in a state 

Of wary suspense, waiting

For the next time it will

Strike me, leave me, paralysed,

Crying out inside my head

Where no-one can hear me

And the One who can, just a little 

Too far away again 

To save me.