re-lacing.

writing.

it used to be carved into my soul.
i thought about it, with every waking
moment.
i would think in verse,
talk in metaphors.
whilst my hand guided the pen
i would see the words as an abundance
of untouched, damp sand
and i would sculpt it,
mould it,
shape it,
into something i could understand.
my small masterpiece.

now,
my confidence in
what i create
has gone.

now,
nothing makes sense.
feelings buried under
debris and doubt.
words don't come naturally
anymore.

the pressure ensnared me
i am stuck.

so forgive me, if it takes a while
for my libido for language
to return,
summon my strength
to re-lace the bonds,
so personal, the link between
oneself, and the written word.

i'll try my best.
bear with me.

cliff edge.

For I wonder how long
You will push me away
Til the force makes me stumble
Til I'll no longer stay
I’ll fall off the edge, out of your life
And I’ll keep on falling
I’m dreading that day.

these generations.

You can see the PVA trail
Stretched from eye to screen
Pupils glued to flickering light
They deny, but just the same
They’re still a consumer generation
Whilst the true victims
Lie upstairs, comatosed
Exhausted from the days exertions
Tears roll from life’s emotions
Struggling under expectations
How are they meant to lead a nation
When they’re told they must be
Thinner, faster,
Smarter, masters
Of this future
Of rapid expansion
Of chemical warfare
Of computer advances
Of rising chances
They wait in darkness
Ear drums ringing
For their next turns
In anticipation
To rule this broken world

don't worry.

The sensation of worry
But an itch in my mind
I ignore, it becomes more
Relevant with each passing second
I claw, and scratch, and
My body is too soon inflamed
With rising panic
My existence, nothing else
But this burrowing thought
Digging deeper through my skull
Til its etched on the insides
Of my eyelids, can barely see
But for bloody indentations
Scrawled in my skin
And I can’t breathe.

fools again.

you’re a fool if you think I don’t check
if you think I don’t notice
if you think I’ve given up on you

but how does a fool
who’s not a fool
face confrontation
face you
when I’m scared
you’ll rip me to shreds
call me a hypocrite
staring from a throne
you think gold
but I know its broken
how its supposed to be

I’m beneath you
I’m here to help
although those words don’t
support me like they used to
like they did you

I still want it too
metallic, crimson, raging
but I’m stronger, or should I say
weaker, too weak to rely on me
I always knew that
but you can have it all

how to show my door is open
His door is open
palms outstretched
just don’t come running,
blade in hand
else, should I dare say it
I’m terrified
you’ll drag me back
to our ways.

lost and found.

If you don’t return this tomorrow,
You’re going to lie here for another night
Feeling stupid
Falling faster
Each breath, another nudge
Into that deep abyss
Of an unrequited love affair
You know all too well.

So return it, you fool
You’re aware of how it ends
Your friendship in pieces
Each memory, now indecent
Don’t you even think to leave it

Forget that scent that draws you closer,
Lingering in hood and sleeve
You breath her in, you see her standing
Those eyes, those curls-

Shut up, she’s not there
And neither are you; you’re returning it
Straight away
Before the gravity of chemical attraction
Propels you forwards
And you’re lost again.

Stuck with hidden infatuation.
Maybe, I’ll keep it, just one more night.

precipitation.

If I just lie here, for a moment
Maybe I can convince myself
I’m outside, in the rain
My heart pounding with
The relentless stream of
Heaven’s tears
Eroding the doors of
My mind away, numbing the pain
As I submerge in constant sound
My guilt carried in the flow,
Ghosts appear before my eyes
As breath escapes me
Warmth evades me
But the truth is plastered
On my blushing skin
It won’t wash, like my
Reusable cut-out face
Expressions, half price
Three for two, guaranteed
To last a lifetime
The patter fades
I’m dry again, honesty
Smoothed out, such as the creases
Of a pool’s surface
On a still summer night
Like they were never there
Existence never questioned
Silences, ensues
The rain, stops
And I am lying here again, waiting.

tactless.

One of those days
When the things you say
Get you nowhere
People can’t bear
The well-meant cliches
‘Could be worse’ cliches
Don’t want your charms
No matter how, you can’t
Do anything right
They want you out of sight
Out of his/her mind
You’re not so kind
Though you don’t mean to be
Not intentionally
You’re best sat silent
Quiet for a while, and
Nothing said at all
Stupid and small
Wrong words, wrong time
At least they rhyme
Sort of.