grey.

encased in negative thoughts
they're tangible
they're everywhere

why can't people see, that
I'm really not who they think I am

can't think, can't write, can't speak
can't even dream, I have nothing
got it wrong again

what kind of good can i bring to this world
when all i can see is effortless colour surrounding
me, just a shade upon shade
of leaking grey

incompetence hurts
blood hurts more
i deserve both

i'm losing my mind
maybe that's a good thing
i'm wasting my time
really can't do anything

consequences.

there are always hidden consequences
for every mindless, lost intention

for the slightest glance, not gone unseen
for one too many custard creams

for watching seconds pass slowly by
for procrastination, the thief of time

for a single moment, ignorance, bliss

for the hesitant thought of that forbidden kiss


for one swift flick, or slash of the hand
for one drop of blood on that sinking sand


for one little white lie, black lie, green lie
for one quick refusal, no matter who tried

our actions, pills, before we drink
we swallow before the chance to think

from one dream to another.

Awakened from a dark night of sensual memories
Fragmented dreams, and a ball of jealous fur
I see your body shift in the dim haze of dawn
Head tilting, slowly
Until the shutters of your mind rise, and your sight
Meets mine, softly colliding
Settling in contentment as the news sinks in
You fell asleep in my arms, and I'm still here.

I lose myself in your eyes
- I'm dreaming again -
The beauty of your inner soul
Encapsulated in a deep, caramel brown
Your skin, so smooth, I trace my finger
Across your cheek in disbelief
That I'm lying within the warmth of
Your body heat, trapped beneath the sheets
Alongside you, this one glance as assuring
As if you'd wrapped your arms around me again
Tightly, like you'd never let me go,
As if I'd ever want you to.

Your lips, slightly pouted from the misfortune of
Full consciousness so early, yet always perfect
We touch, my lips to yours, light as the flakes of snow
That gently drift outside
You lift my hand and place it
At the pit of your stomach, the source of your pain
A monthly joy, so despised
I caress you, can't quite help it
There's so much of you I can't resist.

Our faces close, the curve of a smile begins
Another morning in the comfort of your presence,
Safe and loved, nothing else exists
When I wake up next to you
On the cusp of another day, with thoughts of
The night before enough to nudge me forwards
And a delicate whisper, familiar to my ears
Rippling through the silence,
Like a breadcrumb dropped on still water;
"Hello."
Good morning, my love.

re-lacing.

writing.

it used to be carved into my soul.
i thought about it, with every waking
moment.
i would think in verse,
talk in metaphors.
whilst my hand guided the pen
i would see the words as an abundance
of untouched, damp sand
and i would sculpt it,
mould it,
shape it,
into something i could understand.
my small masterpiece.

now,
my confidence in
what i create
has gone.

now,
nothing makes sense.
feelings buried under
debris and doubt.
words don't come naturally
anymore.

the pressure ensnared me
i am stuck.

so forgive me, if it takes a while
for my libido for language
to return,
summon my strength
to re-lace the bonds,
so personal, the link between
oneself, and the written word.

i'll try my best.
bear with me.

cliff edge.

For I wonder how long
You will push me away
Til the force makes me stumble
Til I'll no longer stay
I’ll fall off the edge, out of your life
And I’ll keep on falling
I’m dreading that day.