my only exception.

fingernails scrape across raw, bitter skin
wrists restrained behind cold metal bars
eyes closed, lips apart
bruises flourish, caught between teeth
you never asked
i never asked
we never had the chance

hand in hand,
blades of grass whispering against shins
as the sun sets behind us
we forgot to return
happy, as lovers should be
simple contact infused with emotion
i thought the world lay before us
but we never had the chance

lying in the heat
a haze, passion in tangible form
we grasped it
bodies close, minds closer
no need for time, lost in eachother
interrupted, i don't think we finished
we just never had the chance

now
i look towards his silver surface
and see your face
i struggle to tear my gaze away
your love in chains
they hurt, i can't breathe
cannot move away
letters, words, pass me by
i am left behind
we never had the chance

blood mixed with tears
hate entwined with love
the soft, white fabric clings to your chest
a touch to my spine
a smile, as my limbs shake
the connection shared, my soul bared
reflected in the darkest brown
you, my only exception
i gave it all to you
we never had the chance
i never had the chance
to say how much i loved you.

do you remember?

do you remember what happened
last year? right now?

of course you don't.

why would you?

i was soaking in the balmy waters of hope, smiling at a hazy future that seemed too slow to start.

i turn back and look down. so much has occured, so much i have learned.
but still, i must wait for the two things i desire.

i turn my head up, towards the rest of my life. suspended on a red rope, walking skywards.

should i raise myself above my friends, and become the person i should be?
or stay just here,
right here,
with you, and be the person i want to be?

do you remember what happened last year?

maybe you do.

stranded.

she sits, still.
amidst the growing tide and deafening storm.
perched on a rock, beneath the eye.

black stars printed on her bare shoulders.
wings ripped from her shadow.
dignity lost.

violet hair escapes into the gale.
the only movement she makes.
as the world trembles before her.

the shrieks of the nearing apocalypse.
they do not faze her.
she is stranded, in the clutches of chaos.

silent tears carving unspoken words.
salt of the ocean, intertwined.
with the salt of the buried soul.

the moisture lost from fearless waves.
smeared over her naked skin.
glistening, wet, melting with the blue.

open, exposed, welcoming release.
yet she will not surrender to her captor's seduction.
beauty and wit never leave her side.

the cold cannot penetrate her.
she clings to the warmth inside.
she belongs in the air, resting on crimson wings.

defiant, she sits, still.
wounds yearning for affection.
waiting her turn.

the ocean floor.

lying on the ocean floor
staring up
with blind eyes
as the salt
gushes down my throat
i fear that if i
close my eyes
i'll wake up
and my soul will be
taken, emotions lost
senses perished
feelings gone
i need something
to hold onto
i dont want to
fade away
a living ghost
give me your hand
and i promise i wont
drag you down with me
down down down
to the ocean floor.

to feel nothing.

no tears will flow
no words will come
i want to feel
my heart is numb.

my hands are weak
all ink run dry
the mind is caged
afraid to try.

to flee the void
where souls are chained
where bones are charred
and spirits wane.

i lie and wait
for passion's claim
to fuel the fire
within again.

my thoughts are trapped
they'e breaking me
from inside, out
please, let them free.

they slice, i bleed
i fall, a coward
emotions hide
depression devours.

faces behind the glass.

i dream of faces. faces behind the glass.
peering through the window, faces from my past.
faces i'd left behind, gotten over, pushed away.
now i can't help but think, perhaps they're here to stay.

i turn once and see him staring
i turn again and gaze into darkness
just a shadow, pale silvers and greys
curved black lips
and eyes.

a deep crimson, filled with malice,
malevolence and desire,
i struggle to look away, for he is still,
but his stare is wild
i crave it.

sometimes he's laughing
sometimes he's screaming
mostly he's glaring
rarely does he flinch
if i linger for more than i should
i fear he might
tilt his head to one side,
lean forwards through the glass
and whisper my name.

temptation is strong
for as much as the terror paralyses my limbs
i longed for the intoxication
of his piercing gaze
to allow the adrenalin to
poison my bloodstream
and fling me into the complete control
of the faces,
many faces
behind the glass.

warmth.

she lay, in pieces, her back against the wall. a shaft of light fell across her pale body, concealing the scars, besides the dry blood splashed in distress across her forehead. veins, blue and mottled, vividly trailing down her arms, unnerving and distinct. her eyes were open. unflinching, they were bottomless. dead. yet her shallow breathing echoed off the concrete, in tune with the steady, single drip of water in the corner of the cell.

barely alive, barely human. when emotions had run dry, could she call herself a person anymore?

she clenched her hand into a fist; the first movement she'd made in hours. tears wouldn't come; she had none left to cry. no energy, nothing.

but her mind would not let go, would not give up. despite the cold seeping up through the ground and into her bones, she felt a deep warmth spread under her skin, and a light presence land on her still frame. she tried to jerk away from the contact, but somehow she knew it wasn't hostile. after a while, she relaxed into the warmth, sinking into the bliss of safety. however brief it may be, for she knew the illusion wouldn't last long, she couldn't help but surrender to it, slowly but fully.

the presence she felt behind her was now enveloping her back, chest, legs, arms. it melted into her, not invading, but protecting her fragile form. she saw an image in her mind: wings, the colour of her lover's hair, so soft to touch. they brushed against skin, fuelling a powerful sedative through her bloodstream and into her soul. so serene, she could barely breathe; yet she didn't need to. her heart began to slow, like a pendulum in its final days of ticking time away. unconsiousness drifted over her, like a blanket from her past laid over a child's delicate, sleeping shadow.

in the moments before she fell back through the tinted veil, she heard a whisper. a faint smile lifted at the corners of her lips. she knew he would stay until morning. then, she was lost.

your song.

her fingers caress the keys
white and black
to sound and back.

they sit and smile
knocking glasses
as time passes.

relax, concentrate
a youthful mind
the joy it finds.

in simple pride
and quiet praise
she acts her age.

muffled noise
through doors closed
a wall imposed.

i stand and stare
can't understand
this wasn't planned.

of my doing
memories blur
remorse stirs.

i can't lose them
but to connect
i musn't protect.

the secrets lie
within the keys
inside of me.

come here.

"come here," i murmured softly.

out of the darkness, he ambled clumsily to my bedside. he was little more than an apparition, a combination of black, white and grey, his white-blonde hair a shade of silver in the murky light. without hesitation, he climbed under the sheets beside me. warmth radiated from him as he burrowed closer into me, not making a sound. i held him tightly. his breathing slowed, his figure faded, and i was left alone, just like before.
my eyes opened.

this, i understood.

my collection of guilty pleasures. another one returned.

my little boy.

bell rings
doors slammed open
feet charge through desolate corridors
end of a school term
inmates released early
a rare privilege
for the ones who know nothing about the world.

i am the last to leave
slouching past deserted classrooms
chairs left haphazardly, tables askew
my solitary footsteps echo
even the knowledgeable ones have fled,
alone, finally, a sigh of relief
the weight of driven learning
lifted for a short while.

descending the cold, stone staircase
i see him before i hear him
close-cropped blonde hair, pale skin
bright eyes, beautiful sapphire blue
he runs towards me, fiercly focused
on catching my attention
afraid of letting me out of his sight.

i reach the bottom step as he does
a claw scrapes my abdomen -
confusion? anticipation? fear?
arms oustretched, he cries out
i catch him as he falls
stand him back on his feet
with a sure, steady gaze
he smiles at me
a charmer; i smile back.

instantly, i fall in love with him
it chokes me, burns me
not yet ready to understand
a tiny hand on my cheek
i watch him speak a word i cannot define
then he is gone
lost to me.

i place my hand
in the shadow of his
and realise
i am crying.