anger
like a disease
grows inside me
clawing through sinew and bone
vision clouds
hands shake
pushing against ribcage
trapped, wild
whites of eyes, vivid
hazel turned to red
teeth gritted
preventing the internal rage
from being unleashed
whenever i see your face.
read your words.
hear your voice.
remember.
is it anger?
or is it jealousy?
hatred?
lust?
repulsion?
fury?
malevolence?
it makes me sick
to think we are the same
that we shared a piece
of one another
in order to be me
do i have to be you?
sometimes, i am
ashamed to be
who i am, who we are
everyone thinks its easy
i make a joke out of it
but you make me despise
my luxurious sin
i am aware of it
smeared all over my skin
sticky, cold, suffocating
just like you
but you wear it like
a fur coat and heels
down a cobbled street in the dark
labelled
come, take all you want
i don't give a shit
what else is there
it makes me sick
and yet
i crave your attention
i hate how you give that girl
all your 'love'
once, you held me in your arms
i felt safe, protected
happy with myself, with you
i didn't want to leave
part of me wishes
i hadn't
you make me hate to be different.
i yearn
so badly
its painful
to be held again
loved again
caressed
cared for
as much as i
want to love another
care for another
physical contact, a growing need
i must be touched
to survive
an choking addiction
reduced to tears
as i lie
alone.
i hate you for forcing upon me
the imprisonment of solitude.
even though it wasn't your fault.
your eyes.
clear, bright blue.
i was always drawn to them.
i never want to see them again.
for your sake
for i fear
the anger inside me
might break out
and gouge those gorgeous eyes
from your innocent face.
No comments:
Post a Comment