To get in the car
Buy the cheapest pack of cigarettes
And a bottle of Koppaberg cider
From the corner shop
Drive up to the woods
And sit in the darkness
Feel the rain on my skin
The only light, the faint glow
Of streetlights reflected
Upon the night sky, and the flame
Of a lighter, a cigarette end
Crushed into the forest floor
And close my eyes,
Listen to the wind, feel the cold
Through to my very bones
So I have no choice
But to listen to my thoughts
No distractions, mind made clearer
With each passing gulp, swallow
No choice but to face
The pathetic excuse I am
And be free of it,
For a few minutes,
Walk away from myself
Let, me, fade away
Like I never existed
Like the mistakes I made
Never happened
Because I wasn't here to make them
Instead I just lie here again
Gathering dust
Paralysed by those mistakes I made
Because I made them
And there's nothing I can do to change them,
To change me.
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