losing it.

its slipping away
i can feel it
whatever it is.

hands linger between impatient numbers

time to spare

falling to the floor, back against tile

head resting on bruises

i let the water cascade

burning, over bare skin

rivulets despairing, rushing away

deafened, trapped - willingly

deep breaths, they echo.

i can't hold onto it any longer

it doesn't seem like a way of life anymore

it used to be exciting, it used to be, me

now, it is a cage

they expect me to turn back, to fail

but it is my own hands

at my back, the base of my spine

that are pushing me forward.

even she, who must not be named

can provide no relief

even he, who must not be maimed

says it will only get harder.

feelings, emotions,

so hard to express

in words, to you

occasionally, numbers are fair

drenched, as i'm submerged

as the cage becomes tangible

but it slips away all the more

through sliding fingers

escaping

cannot live

without knowing what i am

for if i don't know that

then i am truly, alone

the last drops, plink

against white

bright lights

bars pressed to me

it hurts to shake

the water stops.