a tangible link.

i never quite remember how beautiful it is here until i'm actually sitting with the single tree behind me and the vast expanse of field stretching out before me. the thick mist that shielded the trees in the distance is slowly clearing, leaving behind a layer of glistening dew on the tips of the grass. usually you can lie on the ground and be hidden from sight amongst the tall stems that brush your fingertips as you walk, but the grass has been cut.

i am exposed.
a feeling that i'm having to become accustomed to.

the sky is a clear blue above me, as it always is, with clouds circling around this point like the eye of a storm. there's something so precious about this place. a piece of pure serenity within the chaos of everyday routine. i'm reminded of this only by the sound of traffic just over the hill. but i can't see it; therefore it doesn't matter here.

time seems to stop still. its almost enough to forget why i came here.

i don't think i've ever come here to deal with things, simply to escape them for a while. maybe i should. instead, i prefer to dwell on memories. back then, when i first laid on eyes on the beauty of this place, everything was just so ... innocent. would i want to return to my past? a few hours ago i would've answered without hesitation, but now i'm not so sure.

the mist has completely disappeared now. colours are suddenly defined. the sunlight is finally streaming through, casting shadows across the ground.

the pain never fully goes here. however the calming atmosphere does its best to soothe the agony to a dull ache. i can breathe here.

the cool breeze slows down the pace of life that i have no control over. in an instant i can be transported to my swing, my haven.

the only way i can describe this field: it is the only accessible alternative i have to make up for the one place i truly feel safe. i sometimes forget that my swing is a real destination; waiting for me to return properly instead of flitting to and fro in my dreams. in a sense, this field is my only tangible link, reminding me that that there is such a place that i can call mine.

i don't like to think that i need someone here, but occasionally it doesn't feel quite right without a certain presence next to me. i can remember clearly the last time we were here, in this exact spot. if i had to name one, the best day of my life so far. nothing went wrong, no-one could touch us. i'd never been happier, more content. even as we left, arms wrapped around me, we stopped every so often and looked back at the setting amber sun. no-one could touch us.

i wonder if she remembers it like i do. i wonder if she even remembers at all.
although this place is beautiful, it is the memories that make it so precious.

but are memories really worth hanging on to? do we have a choice?